#14 Barack Obama

For many college students, Barack Obama is a shining light for the political future of the United States. Just don’t ask them why, they won’t be able to answer that. College students like Obama for many other reasons; he’s a young, he’s black, he smokes, and most important… Hillary is too bitchy.

Most undergrads were not old enough to vote for Kerry in 2004, so they haven’t experienced the disapointment when the liberals don’t win in the end. So they already assume that Obama is the next president, saying things like “Wow, how cool is it that we are going to have a black president!?!” Ummm… chances are we’ll have another rich white dude, but I’m all for positive thinking too…

College students show their support for Obama in a few different ways. They might join the Facebook group “100,000,000 Strong for Obama.” Or the “100,000,000 Strong AGAINST Hillary.” They might put an Obama sticker on their car. But they definitley won’t protest against the war, volunteer to knock on doors on Election Day, research how Obama stands on issues compared to other candidates, or even join the Democratic organization on campus.

But at least college students are of legal age to vote, and at least most of them will.


#13 Hooking Up

Imagine this scenerio:

You and your buds are at a party. You’re probably drinking Coors Light, or depending on the region Bud Light or PBR, and waiting for you turn to play beer pong. All of a sudden this 18 year-old 110 pound vixen crosses your line of sight.

What do you do?

Well, if you are typical college student you think “I want to put my penis in that” and go talk to her.

Hooking up is strictly a college pnenomenon. In high school you live with your parents, and if you are having sex, it happens at random points during the day when parents are gone (like 3pm). Once out of college, you really can’t hook up like you did when you were in school because it’s time to grow up and stop being a slut. College students hook up because they are finally out on their own and able to bring anyone home they choose without dealing with their parents.

Hooking up can be associated with some problems though. Such as when your roomate brings someone home and proceeds to hook up with them in the loft above you. That’s not nice. Not to mention transmissal of STDs. And there’s always the awkward bumping into former hook ups at the worst time and place, such as 2 years later when you are out with your new boyfriend/girlfriend (who you probaby met as a hook up too…)

But most importantly… college students hook up beause they can use the “I WAS SOOOOOO DRUNK!!!” excuse if any hook up comes back to haunt them. (that’s also how they justify it half the time as well)

#12 Freebies

College kids like free stuff like fat people like food. They know they don’t necessarily need it, but it’s there so why not? Posters, food, stickers, water bottles, etc. If it’s free they’ll take it. Heck, they’ll even sign up for a credit card as long as they get a free XXL t-shirt that says “COLLEGE” or “Philly Blunts.”

The reason college students love anything free is because they have no idea when their parents will cut them off and they will have to completely support themselves. So because they are resourcefull, they start hoarding free stuff right off the bat in preparation for when they have to support themselves. They can’t afford to do that now, and assume they won’t be able to afford it when the time comes either. This is also why college students steal forks, cups, plates, and other eating supplies from the dorm cafeteria. Once they move off campus they will need these things, have never bought them before, so instead of going to Target to get their own, they get them for free. I’ve been to lots of college houses where their entire cabinets are filled with stuff from the dorms the year before. That’s why they also go bonkers for free clothes, even if it’s about 5 sizes too large. In the future they’ll need clothes, so why not sign up for that credit card and get that shirt? I’ve also known college students who steal toilet paper from the dorms and hold on to it for a year until they move off campus.

College students will also do almost anything for free food as well. This may mean joining a club, attending a speech, or asking freshmen to use their guest swipes at the cafeteria. I guess their rationale is “If you don’t pay for food, you have more money for beer!” Hey, it’s logical.

#11 Interactive Drinking

Interactive drinking is more than drinking while interacting with others. It is interacting with the act of drinking. This could mean drinking games or the drink itself.

While drinking in itself is an enjoyable activity for college students, they like to spice things up by playing a drinking game. Games such as Asshole, Beerpong, Beer Die, Egyptian Rat Screw, and so on are usually common place at social gatherings. Sometimes a party may be too hoppin to organize a drinking game, but for those more chill get togethers they are a great idea for getting everyone hammered.

The other form of interactive drinking is the drink itself. Two of my favorite examples are Flaming Dr. Peppers and Edward 40 Hands (which goes waaaay beyone being simply a drinking game).

Flaming Dr. Peppers:

1 bottle of Amaretto Liquer
1 bottle of 151 or Everclear
1 case of domestic beer
1 lighter
1-10 shotglasses (depending on how many people are participating)
same number of glasses
Inflamable drinking surface (that means no tablecloths… learned that from experience)

Pour the shotglass 3/4 full of the Amaretto and top off with 151. Pour the beer in the glass so it is approximately 2/3 full. Light the 151 on fire. Drop the shotglass in the beer. Chug.

Tastes like Dr. Pepper

Edward 40 Hands

I like this game because you learn so much about everyone involved, especially once it comes time to break the seal. Simply duct tape a 40 oz. to each hand. You can’t remove the 40 until empty (depending on rules, you might be able to remove one at a time, but remember the other will be horribly warm by the time you finish the first). Let the hillarity begin!

#10 Being the Authority on Completely Obscure Music

Just saying college students like music is an understatement. Lots of people like music, but for college students it is almost a competition. Sure, every college kid likes Radiohead, Modest Mouse, Bright Eyes, and the White Stripes; but others need to take music to the next level. These few college students, most likely to be Philosophy, Environmental Studies, or Political Science majors, that feel they are the complete authority on all music. That is, music worth listening to. This does not include Dave Matthews Band, U2, John Mayer, or Green Day (or anything high school students listen to. Note: they will never be Music majors because they are too busy studying classical composers to mess with the latest indie bands out there.

You can tell if they are true music aficionados if they can spout off a 15 minute rant about how they saw Eric Bachman when he was still in Crooked Fingers or how Band of Horses have completely sold out since signing with Sub Pop and they saw them when they were 9 years old. Their 80 GB iPod will be completely full, and wardrobe will be comprised of concert tees mixed with vintage. All this combines to strengthen their indie-cred (more important than GPA).

If you ever stumble upon one of these self declared music prophets, you can easily score dozens of new burnt CDs simply by asking them “So what are some new bands you’ve heard?” Just beware that if they ever ask to check out your iTunes, make sure to promptly delete any embarrassing music such as Beyonce, Fall Out Boy, Incubus, and All American Rejects (as well as the before-mentioned bands). If they see any of this music (or similar) belonging to you they will immediately sever all ties.

Note: I’m not saying the bands mentioned are bad in any way; they are just way too popular for these self-proclaimed music freaks.

#9 College Basketball

Ok so I couldn’t skip a post about college basketball, especially because I’m a Kansas fan.

College students like college basketball because….


IT RULES!!!!!!

Sorry, I’m trying to come up with some sort of witty rationale why students love basketball, but I’m just so stoked on last night’s game I can’t.

#8 Stereotypical Social Groups

Once in college, college students are able to find friends that are exactly like they are.  These stereotypical homogeneous social groups vary in characteristics, but are most likely seen on all college campuses in one way or another.


The first are the Hippies (sometimes known as Trustafarians). 


In high school, most of these now Hippies probably smoked weed and listened to Phish, but also wore Abercrombie and the Gap.  Once in college they found all the other people that smoke weed and listen to Phish and all simultaneously traded their “preppy” clothes for ones made of hemp, bought chacos, smoked a bowl, and grew dreads.  Although they join their local university’s Save The ___insert environmentally threatened subject___ group, they can also be seen driving their Expeditions four blocks to class.


The next stereotypical social group are the Wannabe Emo Band Members.


With the exception of maybe 3, most emo bands completely suck.  But since the whole genre is based on not being able to sing or play instruments well, many geeky college students can become instantly cool by becoming Emo.  They don’t even have to be in a band, although it does up your indie cred, they just need to look the part.  Instead of practicing the guitar or keyboards, these Wannabe Emo Band Members will most likely be seen smoking cigarettes on the stoop of some eclectic coffee shop having pseudo-intellectual conversations.  And though their parents pay their tuition and rent, they feel the need to live like a starving musician, possibly dumpster diving for food and picking up cigarette butts off the ground to get one or two puffs out of (also increases their indie cred).


The last and definitely the most dominant are the Greeks.


These are the cool kids from high school that always new they were cooler than everyone else, but couldn’t admit it because then no one would vote them as Homecoming Queen or come to their graduation party.  Now in college where only Political Science dorks ran for anything important they can flex their coolness-muscles and join a Fraternity or Sorority.  Greeks like this because a) they can choose who gets in, b) everyone that gets in are just like them, and c) they never have to deal with non-greeks (unless they are stuck with them on a class project).  Greeks love being greek because it is just like high school; dances, clubs, Homecoming, etc.  But now they can let everyone on campus know how great they are.


By maybe their junior year of college, students will usually get over what ever stereotypical social group they have joined and return to their normal ways.  Maybe they need to cut their dreads to get an internship, keep growing out of those damn skinny jeans, or simply realize whatever group they have joined is not their life and just move on.