Somewhere between high school graduation and their second semester in college, college students’ opinion of their parents flips 180 degrees. In high school parents were the enemy; the nasty beings making unreasonable rules, curfews, and simply making your life a living hell. They get mad at you when they catch you drunk or smoking weed, they don’t let you hang out with your friends, and make you feel bad for missing dinner.
But once you pack up and head off to college, parents become entirely different beings. Instead of the hateful trolls that felt they could control you just because they carried you in their womb for nine months, they actually become somewhat… cool?
Cool may be too strong a word, but they are good for a few things in college students’ minds.
a) They give out money. Lots of money. $30k a year for tuition while their you get stoned and skip class. $500 a month for rent. Plus many college students still get “allowance” so they don’t have to risk their grades by having a part time job. Though most of this money goes to beer, pot, and food.
b) They take you (and 3-7 of your friends) out to eat whenever they visit; usually dropping at least $200. This is their obligation for giving you a hard time for the first 18 years of life and they feel they need to make it up to you.
c) They finally treat you like an adult; although you still need them to make rent.
Posted in family
Tagged cool, parents, rules
Most people get exposed to marijuana during high school, some even before. But this initial stage of the pot-smoking lifestyle can be characterized by going through great obstacles to find any kind of weed available, such as borrowing your friend’s car to pick up your other friend’s brother who knows a guy living in this trailer park who’s roommate sells herb. And usually (unless you live in California, Oregon, or Colorado) the weed you buy is the reject shake that even Pakistan won’t smoke.
By the time these people enter college it is an entirely different story. The first weed they find is actually in bud-form opposed to looking like a bag of old yerba mate. Plus it will be more potent, stinky, and stone them more than the first time they huffed whip cream when they were eleven. And it’s everywhere, even your Microeconomics TA can hook you up with a bag. Thus, college students’ love affair with the wacky tobacky is born.
Freshmen in the dorm must deal with the hassle of either finding a way to secretly toke up in their room or meet chill friends off campus to borrow their couch and bongs for a while. Contraptions involving dryer sheets, plastic bottles, toilet paper rolls, and other such household items are put to use by hundreds of students all over campus, but this can easily end with a “write up” faster then you can say “Abba Zaba, you my only friend.” Much safer to venture off campus where you will most likely become immersed in your town’s local smoking circle who jams the Dead while discussing other stimulating topics such as their roadtrip to Conventry for Phish’s last show, which chinese restaurants have free delivery, and which heady nugs to pack next.
Another thing college students like about weed is they can name their smoking devices.
“Hey man, should we pack Lil’ Smokey or Bongalo Bill?”
Beware, becoming too involved in pot culture can lead some to believe they don’t need college degrees to make it in the world, they can just start selling it. Don’t fall into this trap, you life will be much more satisfying by shelling out $50 once a week with a college degree than trying to find some sort of minimum wage job after 3-5 in the pen.
American’s have Football, Australians have Cricket, the rest of the world has Soccer… college students have Beer Pong! Ask any college student and they will agree beer pong should become an Olympic game. Since it isn’t, some make their own “Beer Olympics” with beer pong, the beer bong, and flip cup. Go into any Fraternity house and you will see a wonderfully crafted custom beer pong table. In college houses, the garage’s sole purpose is to house the beer pong table, not to store cars. Beer pong is more important than cars.
The rules of beer pong can vary depending on the region it is being played, it is even called Beirut at some Ivy League conferences, but the main idea remains the same.
1. There is a long table; ping-pong tables are used most frequently.
2. There are 10 cups on either end of the table arranged in a triangle each filled about halfway full with beer.
3. Generally, the game is played in teams of two where each player throws one of two ping-pong balls into the one of the opponents’ cups. Once the two balls are on the opponent’s side it is their turn to throw.
a. One ball in the cup means the opponent drinks that cup of beer.
b. Two balls in means the opponent drinks three cups of beer.
4. The winners are the team who makes the other team drink all their cups of beer.
Now there are some very specific rules and variations to be aware of:
If the ball bounces on the table the other team can swat it away. Some do not allow the elbow of the thrower to cross the edge of the table, so not to give them an unfair advantage.
If the ball hits the cup but does not go in the other team just takes a drink.
If the ball goes in but swirls around the edge of the cup and has not dropped into the beer yet, the other team can “blow” on it to get it out of the cup (Note: some conferences only allow girls to blow… well because girls blow and guys don’t).
Teams are also able to ask the other team to re-arrange their cups to form a more appealing triangle, but rules on this vary extremely from conference to conference.
Make sure to understand all the rules before entering a tournament because once the ball is thrown it’s on and there aren’t any instant replays. Someday beer pong will get the athletic recognition it deserves, but for now it still holds its place as the most amazing college sport in the US.
Contrary to popular belief, college students to not go to the gym to work out. The university recreation center is a breeding ground for those young, fit, and incredibly narcissistic students who feel the need to strut around the opposite sex in tight and revealing “work out clothing.” But this “work out clothing” is not what it sounds. It is just an excuse to wear skimpier clothes that would normally be unacceptable to wear anywhere else on campus. In addition, girls do not actually work out when they are at the university gym. This would ruin their make-up while also making them sweaty and gross. Obviously a turn off to that young hunk over on the weight bench they are trying to get the attention of.
It is completely unacceptable for any college lady to show up at the gym without a) straightening their hair, b) flawless make-up, c) brand new athletic shoes that have never touched pavement, and d) very short shorts. This way when they are “stretching” the young men coincidently behind them have a great view. Also, sportsbras are not at all flattering so must be replaced by a sexy lace bra (so the men around know they wear lingerie).
Granted about 5% of college students actually work out at the university rec center, but they are usually found running on the treadmill for countless hours. The rest of the student body who want to actually work out will join another gym, this way to escape the meat market on campus.
When trying to make conversation with one of these Gymrats, topics such as a) how much you can lift, b) how sweaty you are, and c) what’s going on later are all perfectly acceptable. Steer clear of intellectual conversation because most likely the girl you are talking to should probably be in class right now.
College students like to drink. A lot. But due to the fact most people enter college at 18, they are not legally able to purchase alcohol for another 3 years. Thus, the popularity of fake ids.
In every dorm there are two very important people to know.
The first being that guy who knows a guy that makes fake ids. Though uneccessary to become friends with this individual, it is important to meet him. Unfortunately, the craftsmanship of these fake ids will be very poor, will probably be from some random state like Rhode Island, and will cost you about $100 (McLovin anyone?).
The next very important person to know is the one guy/girl with an awesome fake id that always works. This person will probably be the most popular individual in the dorm because everyone will need them to buy their drinkables for them every weekend (or weekday). So of course this person will know exactly what is going on all over town at any point of the evening. Word to the wise: do not overuse this person though, they will become tired of going to the liquor store for you every week unless they are not repaid by a) free booze, b) weed, or c) sexual favors. Or you can just invite them to whatever party you are going to.
One last important thing to note:
The easiest form of a fake id (especially guys with facial hair) is just using your sibling’s old id. You already kind of look like the person, you know all the information on the card, and your appearance is easily altered so you don’t necessarily have to be the spitting image of the picture